never go alone to the card section...

There's a fantastic Christian bookstore here that I could spend hours and hours browsing in. They have lovely paintings, sculptures and frames plus bibles and Sunday school stuff. I spent a lot of time there after Keely died. The day we watched her heart stop, I asked if I could come back in the next day for another check....just in case. I was hoping against hope that they were wrong; the machine must be broken. The next day, we went back in (with a slew of family) and you know how that story goes. After we left the doctor's office that second day, I requested we go to the Christian bookstore. I don't really remember why I wanted to go but I know no one would've told me no about anything that day. So we went and browsed and browsed. I got a little silver plaque that reads "cradled in the arms of the Lord, wrapped in his joy and love, I wait until we meet again, together in Heaven above". The little plaque set out at her funeral. We got a few other things but that's the thing that sticks out in my mind.

They have a beautiful card section there and unless I'm going for humor, I always go there for greeting cards. I went in last week for my Mom's birthday card and my eyes wandered to the Mother's Day section, specifically the "Difficult Mother's Day" section. In a strange way, I was so happy to see it; so happy to see grief acknowledged and so sad for anyone receiving one because of why but happy for them that someone else realized. In a muddle of emotions, I read every card in that section. Tears welled up but didn't fall. It was therapuetic in a way.

Don't take my original advice. Do go to the card section alone and have few moments to yourself. As grieving mothers, our Mother's Day is always a difficult one as we'll never have all of our children with us physically. Read each card, be heartbroken and be lucky all at once.

"how can life feel so alive and still feel like dying" Mason Jennings