Monday, May 11, 2009

some random thoughts...

1. Yesterday was Mother's day. I was spoiled by my sweet boys, brought homemade cookies in bed and beautiful flowers. By chance, we sang one of my favorite hymns in church and had nice picnic style lunch. It was a wonderful day, near perfection. near. I feel so whiney that I can't bring myself to say perfect. I'm so very blessed; both to have my sweet boys here and to have had my sweet girl at all. Life isn't perfect, it wasn't meant to be. I feel guilty that that's apparent. Mother's guilt? Bereaved mother's guilt? Both?

2. Planning and packing for our vacation, I wish there was a little pink suitcase lined up next to Spiderman and Elmo. What lovey might she pack?

3. With every showing, we get closer (in theory) to leaving this home behind. This is where she lived. Lord willing, our family will go on to make memories in the new home we're building. But she was alive here. Her memory will carry on to our "forever" home, but her physicaal life was here and part of me wants to stay. Part of me will stay.

4. The boys are going to release a Princess balloon for Keely while we're at Disney World. I'm happy to include her in our trip and I know she'll be there with us. Boston is convinced she's already been.

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