Monday, August 31, 2009

my dream

I had a dream about my sweet girl last night. She was still a baby, though a bit bigger than when I held her in my arms. She was wrapped in a soft white blanket with one naked arm peeking out, free. She was sleeping soundly and suckling in her sleep, just like her brothers did as newborns. This time, though, her beautiful lips were pink.

I love and miss my girl, think of her, speak of her everyday. Always


"I promise I will hold you, another time, another place" Joanne Cacciatore

Monday, August 17, 2009

Hallmark got me again

I have a new niece. She's beautiful and sweet and it does my heart well that she's here and healthy. For all those reasons, I thought I could handle picking out a "welcome baby girl" card. Not so much. After reading the first one, I knew it had been a bad idea but did I leave? Nope. Glutton. I read every last one and didn't find one that I could bring myself to buy. I opted for a blank pink card and wrote my own message. Just another one of those things that will never be the same, should I have a living daughter or not.

I haven't made many posts lately because I've been in a little bit of a funk. I'm hoping it passes soon and think while posting would probably make me feel better, it takes a bit of emotional energy that is lacking in me right now.

I've found a ton of things for Keely's grave recently but what's on there still looks nice so I'm stockpiling some fun things for later.

Missing you, baby girl XOXO

Saturday, August 8, 2009

6 years and a lifetime ago

6 years ago this week, we suffered our first loss; the loss of a honeymoon baby about 7 weeks along. I don't think we even realized at the time what we truly lost. Many friends and family don't even know about this baby but since Keely's passing, it has helped to know that they are in Heaven together. Since Keely's passing, I've thought more about our first baby, understood more and missed more. We may not have a grave to visit for you, baby, but we love you.

Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety