it's pointless to wonder, but...

I do. Everyday, I think how old Keely would be, what she might look like, what she might act like. I think of the milestones that she would be hitting. I think of the kind of clothes she might be wearing. Would she let me fix her hair? Would her hair be long enough for me to fix? I know it's pointless to wonder. I know these questions will forever be unanswered. And still, my mind wonders, my heart wonders. I wonder how she would interact with her brothers. Would she care kindly for her younger brother or play wildly with her older brother or both? Would her hair have stayed blonde? I think so. Would she be big like her brothers or more delicate? A tomboy or a princess? Maybe a little of both. She would be coming up to her second birthday; we are coming up to her second birthday.

My mind knows better than to ask these questions but I still wonder. I think I'll always wonder. As my boys grow and graduate high school and college, get married, have children of their own, I will count my blessings for they are many. I know how lucky I am to have my living children and to have had my angel here for a time. It's up to us now to grow her memory, just as we raise our other children.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
Kahlil Gibran