the flowers

We shopped last night for new flowers for Keely's grave. Nearly 2 years down this road and it does still feel like a movie at times. I said to Sam as we browsed for flowers that our oldest son was extremely specific about "not too floppy" and "very pink for our girl" and "just right floppy" that I wondered if it would ever get easy to shop for flowers for the cemetary. I've done it countless times, go to the cemetary daily and yet, every time, it seems more "real". He said he was just going to say that he's finally at the point that he doesn't dread the flower store. It's nice now, that big brother is big enough to express an interest in what goes on her grave. One of the few things we get to actively do for our girl. I enjoy decorating her grave. There's something about the shopping for it, though. I can't quite verbalize it. I like to do something a little different every time we change them out. This time, Sam found a cute tin watering can and we chose several shades of pink flowers to pour out of them. We also got a new garland for around the base of the headstone; the one that's there is too wintry now and a garland for my great grandma Marney, buried next to my girl. I was very excited about her new windchimes; they're perfect. Sam and Boston continued their tradition of choosing a ceramic bunny for Eastertime for her grave. I'll post photos when it gets a little closer.

I haven't been able to bring myself to throw out anything that's been with her at the cemetary. It's all in its own spot in the garage. I thought maybe I'd just save the "special" things but it's all special to me. It's all shared time at her resting place. It's all been laid out to memorialze her. Maybe someday I'll feel differently or we'll run out of garage space but for now, it will collect.