Tuesday, July 21, 2009

moving me

Our home is on the market. Keely's home is on the market. It's been a decision we made a long time ago and the time is now to do it. It was a decision we made long before losing our little girl. We left Chicago knowing we'd eventually be in or near my hometown (where Keely's buried). Our home has been on the market for nearly a year now, with no offers in sight (just the way of the market now, I think; fine by me). So we've had some time to reflect on what leaving means to us. Though we've outgrown this house, I wouldn't be ready to leave if we were staying in the area. I'm too attached. We have too many memories. Lord willing, we'll make millions of new memories with our sweet living children in our new house but we can't with Keely. She lived here. She moved here. Her heartbeat here. This is where we came after her heart stopped. This is where countless tears dropped. This is where we sat up for hours on end wondering why; wondering how. This is where we planned her funeral.

Along with moving, we'll be leaving behind the hospital and doctor that saw my care through all three of my children's births. I've become very attached to all of the staff, the places. I know them there. They know me there. They know Keely; call her by name. How can I walk away from that? A little part of me hopes we'll be here long enough for just one more baby to be born under our dr's care, at that hospital I'm so comfortable at.

And so I'm moved at the thought of moving. We'll have opportunities, new memories but the thought of driving past this home and having it not be mine is just too much to think of right now. We'll have to make new memories of our girl at the new home too. We'll have a garden just for her. Her painting will hang on its walls. We'll say her name and tell her story among its walls. We'll shed more tears for her there. But this will be where we first said goodbye. This home will always be special.

"home is where the heart is"

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like a hard move to make. I hope you find peace in your decision when the time comes.