I rarely get to say "all of my kids" or "the whole family". It's one of those things I never would've thought about before. How lucky to get to say all or entire. I listen closely to others as well: do they want a picture of all the grandkids? or all the girls get something... I am blessed in that they, too, are careful for the most part. My mom is very much aware of the definition of those words and their impact. I am so grateful for that. Wishing "we could all get together sometime" takes on new meaning as well. Those little things are so different now. Now and forever. I take great pleasure in the moments I get to say "all of my children", such as "all of my children's stockings hang on the steps at Christmas" or "I love all of my children". A simple and oh so important way to remember my girl.
I found the following article on helping a bereaved parent and I really like it. It's similar to the very popular "Bereaved Parents Wishlist" but adds a few things. I want to add that these lists aren't just for the newly bereaved, they still hold true years and years down the road...
http://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Bereaved-Parent
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I've found that recently I've become more sensitive to some of the kinds of language things you are talking about. They are so often completely unintentional, and I know what the person means and that they don't really forget my son, but things that sting anyway.
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