Monday, June 8, 2009

a ramble on forgotten "friends"

More than two years have passed since we last held our little girl. Even after this time, my opinion of some people is still somewhat dictated by the way they did or did not react to her death. I lost much respect for a few friends, but moreso gained much respect and appreciation for others. I try very hard to concentrate on those I love dearly and those that were there for us when it's hard to be there, when you don't know what to say, when there isn't anything to say. But, once in awhile, our paths will cross again with one of the "others"; one of those people I would've expected to be there, to be a shoulder or to respect the life of my daughter but they shied away or, even worse, treated her life as if it were less than theirs. My opinion of those few are forever changed, forever marred by their lacking. They missed out on an amazing little soul. They missed out.

And now, I prepare for a meeting of such. How do I react? I don't want to perpetuate a bitter, grieving, angry person. I am grieving and will be until my own meeting at the end of earth's life but feel some kind of responsibility to teach those I encounter that while a parent grieves her child always, the lessons taught by the angels are worth more than anger. I'm not angry; I've said many times and feel daily that I was lucky to have her at all. I am lucky to have what I do now, VERY lucky. Some social responsibility has me feeling conflicted. There are few enough of these people I could probably avoid them for the good part of my years but there's a spiteful side of me that knows that seeing me will cause them to remember her and that's what I really want; her to be remembered. I want them to know they let me down, or my husband down, or most importantly, my Keely down.

Like most things in life, I will look for a balance. I must find a way to show grief in a new light for those so unlucky to have missed her light.

This has been even more rambling than usual but that's pretty much how I feel right now. ****big, deep sigh****

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