There are some days I just look for an excuse to say her name. There are days that I can feel my heart physically aching. There are days that tears are behind my eyes that never fall. There are days I try to picture in my mind what our table would look like with all 3 of our children eating lunch. There are days I am just so sad. Today is one of those days.
I am a positive thinking person. I know that I am very lucky. Most days, I smile and it's always genuine. I've had genuine smiles today but there is sadness too. Much sadness. I miss her. It's heartbreaking to think what this world has missed out on, what my family has missed out on. Bad things happen. Some days, lots of bad things happen. There are some days that so many little bad things pile up until you are buried in them and it's hard to see past the bad things.
So today, I will say her name and feel better, feel comforted. Keely. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. How I wish I could see it scribbled on a kindergarten drawing someday, with a letter or two backwards.
"don't count the years, count the memories" anonymous