Wednesday, February 18, 2009

it still takes my breath away

The names we've chosen for our children aren't the most common names so when I do hear them, it really catches my attention, even with my living children. When we chose Keely's name, we knew there would be other Keelys because we chose it to honor my sisters. I love her name and, of course, can never picture her with any other name and certainly it should be hers alone ;)

I have begun to look around for birthday party decorations for my rainbow boy (hard to believe this time last year he was still residing in my belly!). Upon a quick internet search for birthday party favors, there it is... My breath catches immediately upon seeing it... her name. her name. How dare someone else wear her name? How dare someone else have a birthday, wearing her name? I can't help but look. A sweet little girl named Keely, celebrating her 4th birthday. Suddenly, the jealousy and hurt at a stranger choosing her name melts away. That's not my Keely. I'm glad for those people who get to celebrate the birthday of their little Keely at a party, not a cemetary. A little jealous? Maybe, but it quickly fades. I don't want someone else's Keely or someone else's girl. I want mine and that isn't in the cards in this lifetime. So here I sit, very blessed in this life nonetheless but missing my girl and thankful for my boys all at once. It's very possible, though I'm not sure how those who haven't said goodbye to their children too soon could understand. I don't think I could've.

And so, like many of my posts, the rambling has begun and the point probably lost but I feel better having said her name. And, thank you, to the strangers and friends that take the time to read her name, think of her name or think of her, keeping her very much alive.


"Keely Aimee, I'm sure you dreamed you'd do far greater things

But, Keely, I wish you wouldn't dwell on what could and couldn't be

I know how dreams can let you down

I've had some rude awakenings

But Keely, I still go back to sleep

In the dead of night you spring to life for me"

Keely Aimee, The Good Life

1 comment:

  1. I reacted strongly to hearing my son's name. A couple of weeks ago, I was at a mom and baby group, and there was a Henry there. I couldn't stop staring at this Henry who was not my Henry.