We decided to start shopping around a bit for Easter outfits for the boys today. Going into the mall, I knew what emotions the dresses would bring out. In the week after Keely's death but before her birth, we had Easter. She was still with us physically but she was soaring already. We celebrated, mourned and prepared for her birth and burial...and the Easter Bunny. She never got to wear the frills of easter or a matching hat. She never ran out of her sparkly shoes, diving for an egg but those dresses, hats and shoes remind me of her and that she never did those things.
Only in my mind, I pick out which one I would've chosen for her this year and think of the size she might be. How much might she understand now? Would she be afraid to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap for a photo or brave beside her brothers? There is a pink, ballerina style dress with tiny delicate ruffles that would've been the one this year. Her wisps of white hair may've been long enough for pigtails.
My heart is filled with love and blessings. My two beautiful boys and husband light up my life but the part of my heart that belongs to Keely aches for her and I miss her so terribly. 2 years later, the wonders continue and on they will.
I won't buy the pink dress. There will be 1 empty space on the Easter Bunny's lap. But, we will visit her grave and leave a bunny or an egg, her brothers are in charge of that. We will miss her, but love her more and appreciate the presence of each other more. Easter, this year, falls the day after her birthday so her baloons should still be there with the flowers still fresh. And her basket will be full as is my heart. If only for my arms...
"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." Pierre Auguste Renoir