My 5 year old was the leader in his class today and had to give a presentation on his family to the rest of his classmates. He brought in photos for each family member: a photo of mommy, one of daddy, one of himself, one of his brother Callum, an ultrasound picture of brother Beckham and a photo of a butterfly (he wanted to bring a photo of her headstone too but I thought that might be too much to explain for a 5 year old). He also brought in a family picture where I'm pregnant and wearing Keely's necklace and our dog is in it (the whole family).
He carefully explained to them that this isn't a picture of his sister, but she's in Heaven and has wings so we think of her when we see a butterfly. He explained that he got to hold her and she would be 3 years old now "if she didn't live with Jesus". One of the other children giggled and said "your sister's a butterfly?!?" and he calmly replied "No, she's an angel" very matter of factly.
He has so impressed me with his wisdom and calm nature and the way he can keep his sister 'alive' in a way only a big brother can. It absolutely made my day.
I have to add, as well, that his teacher was great about it. She asked me some questions about it and didn't get weird or awkward at all. I'm glad it's all out there, so there isn't any confusion if/when he talks about her.
One of his little buddies said "I have a sister you can't see too, because she's in school" So maybe no great lessons were learned but he did great and I'm proud of him for including his entire family on his own terms.