I have been putting this one off for awhile. It's nothing groundbreaking. It's something that people, parents, have faced since the beginning of time, the beginning of bereavement. But I've put it off in order to accept it myself and while I still am not sure that has happened, I think I'll feel better to get it out.
There's a heaviness. This weight comes every year as spring starts to form, a day here and there of warmth. These are the days Keely was alive. This is the time of year we had so much hope and just as the sun started to warm us up for the year, we lost her. It's inevitable that this time of year brings on emotions, good and bad. But this year is a turning point, I think. It is at least another phase.
I can look out at my future, whatever it may bring and have at least one certainty. If I live to be 100, I'll still miss her. I'll still wonder. I'll still look at girls/women the age she would have been and see if I can catch of glimpse of what she'd be like today. To accept that fact is overwhelming.
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Yes. Daniel who passed at 12/1/2 would have been 18 years old in a few weeks. In so many ways this is unfathomable.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what happened but I'm so sorry for your loss. As a mother myself, I can't imagine what that never-ending pain must be like.
ReplyDeleteP.S.
The "vegan-republican" remark made me smile and coincidentally I am reading "The Catcher in the Rye."