a delicate few

There are moments in your life that you want desperately to remember. With every thread of being in you, you want to capture every color, every smell, every sound in the eye of your memory. They are the moments you look back on and recall with great detail; defining moments of your life.

There are moments in your life that haunt you when you close your eyes to sleep. Moments that creep into your dreams and turn them to nightmares that you've already lived. Moments you try with every bit of you to forget, willing away the horrible feeling you had in you at that time. They are moments forever etched in your memory, however unwillingly they may be; defining moments of your life.

Then there are a few memories that are a delicate balance of both. Memories that defined who you are from that moment on. Memories that pain you to remember and pain you to forget.

My bittersweet defining moment was closing the casket. A relatively quiet moment, just my husband and living son at the funeral home, saying our final goodbye to the body that once held the soul of our little girl. A body that desperately needed to rest, earth time having taken its toll. A body that I desperately wanted to keep, willing that heart to beat again.

"I smell the blizzard in the air, winter's bitter love affair" OAR, delicate few

a day for mothers

Yesterday was a day colored in bittersweet, like most all special days of our family because one member is missing. I was given a gift by my Keely, though.

In church, we sang "Near to the heart of God". We sang that song at Keely's graveside at her funeral and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I sang the first two verses proudly and on the third, out of nowhere, I burst into tears. I'll take that song as my special mother's day present from my girl.

XOXO