An announcement

Our sweet little girl is a big sister, once again.  We're expecting our 5th little blessing next summer.

After a prenatal loss, there is always fear that comes along with pregnancy.  But, more than fear, there is hope.  And our hopes are high.

Watch over your brother or sister, Keely  <3 p="p">

at least 40 newly bereaved parents in minutes...

Yesterday, in a kindergarten classroom, 20 beautiful young souls lost their lives in unthinkable tragedy.  

Today, their parents are likely watching the sunrise on one of the darkest days of their lives; the first day without their beloved child.  

My heart breaks into a thousand pieces for them.  How quickly life can, and does, change.  Yesterday, they ate breakfast and sent their loved ones off to school.  For the last time.

It's hard to even wrap one's mind around it.  It's unfathomable.

All that can be said has been said.  My heart is with Sandy Hook Elementary's victim's parents, whose lives will never, never be the same.  I, along with much of the country, held my children close throughout the night, unable to shake the unshakable after hearing the unthinkable.  

There just are no words.

"Weep with those who weep."  Romans 12:15

Nearer, Still Nearer

"Nearer, still nearer, close to Thy heart,
Draw me, my Savior—so precious Thou art!

Fold me, oh, fold me close to Thy breast.
Shelter me safe in that “Haven of Rest”;
Shelter me safe in that “Haven of Rest.”

Nearer, still nearer, nothing I bring,
Naught as an offering to Jesus, my King;
Only my sinful, now contrite heart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.

Nearer, still nearer, Lord, to be Thine!
Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign,
All of its pleasures, pomp and its pride,
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.

Nearer, still nearer, while life shall last.
Till safe in glory my anchor is cast;
Through endless ages ever to be
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee;
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee!"

Everyday, my girl, nearer to you in the arms of the Lord...

Mother's Day

Last Sunday was International Bereaved Mother's Day.  It just so happened that I saw a double rainbow in the sky, clear as can be.  A beautiful gift.  A promise from God.

Today is Mother's Day.  I am beyond lucky to have these 3 beautiful living sons.  They make this world brighter, they make my heart sing.  They've made me a mother, taught me more than I ever could've imagined.  I am beyond lucky to have had Keely for 22 weeks and 3 days, to have gotten to witness those final beats of her beautiful heart.  She made this world a brighter place, she makes my heart sing.  She makes me a mother and taught me more than I ever could've imagined.  

They are all the reasons I am a mother.  They are all my world.  They are my beautiful, wonderful, loving, bubbly children.  Each and every one of them.

Wishing a gentle mother's day to those wishing all their children were in their arms today. 

On vacation with us...Everywhere with us

We went to Disney World this past week.  We had a fantastic trip, wonderful weather.  We had {almost} everything we could ask for.  We missed our girl, talked about her, talked about what she'd be like were she with us physically.  We saw butterflies and remembered.  We let a balloon go in front of Cinderella's castle in her honor.  We missed her but were grateful for her presence in our hearts.

"No matter what happens, I'll always be with you. Forever. "
-Pocahontas

Draw me nearer, blessed Lord...

As I read today about another family saying goodbye far too soon, I draw near to the heart of God.  We may never understand why we are put on these journeys but we can be sure of the goal.

Wishing peace to the family in their darkest hours.

"There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee."

whirlwind...

What an emotional rollercoaster this past month has been. 5 years has been a tough anniversary. We're far enough out that most days we've accepted that Keely is gone and it seems so far from having held her and yet far from holding her again.

I'm not sure what it is about this 5 year mark. The days were the same as they were that year, a Monday, a Wednesday and this Saturday is 5 years from her burial. I don't know if it's some silent marking of grief that is like a rite of passage. I don't know if maybe it's this heart wrenching every year, but this year was rough. Easter came and went, just as it did that year. I lost myself in love for my sweet living children and how lucky we are to be their parents. I lost myself in love and grief for our precious girl we wish could've been with us.

We are so lucky that our friends and family remember alongside us. I know that many on this heartbroken road don't have that luxury.

Her balloons were released into a gorgeous, sunny sky and sent straight up to Heaven. Her cake was make, decorated and eaten. Her Easter basket was filled.

And she was missed. So, so, so missed.

XOXO