October 15th
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
A wave of light will sweep the world at 7 pm across all time zones
In loving remembrance of the beautiful little souls who passed through this world far too quickly.
Light a candle at 7 pm and remember with all of our broken hearts.
XOXO
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
In remembrance...
Time has marched on. In the time since I last posted, Keely has become a big sister once again. Though this time, it's a bit different. Our only other daughter was born. Keely now has a sister of her own. She came to us safely July 31st. She's beautiful and an old soul. So often, we wonder what should've been with her big sister; what kind of bond might they have had. What kind of bond might they have now that we can't possibly understand?
We also built and moved into our forever house. We have a beautiful garden in the works for Keely. I love having a place just for her right in our yard. Her grave is an hour and a half away from us. While I'm glad she's buried with my grandmother, it hurts not being able to visit her everyday. Now we have a place of remembrance and that makes my heart sing. The anchor of her garden is a weeping cherry tree. Perfect.
We are preparing for the holidays and have decided to do a random act of kindness each day for the month of November.
So often throughout November, we are reminded to be grateful. Our family has been so blessed. Yes, we've had heartache and miss a member of our family everyday, but we had her. And that means we're lucky. We have each other and plenty to eat. We have our health and love and so many other things. We want to spread our gratitude out. Each day in November, we'll do one random act of kindness to reach out to someone else. We're starting a list and making a schedule. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. I'm trying to make it not always about money, but about time and thought.
Some of our plans include:
~drawing pictures for people at Great Grandma's nursing home.
~picking up trash at a park
~buying a coffee for the person in line behind or in front of us
~donating time at a community kitchen
~packing care packages for soldiers and families of soldiers
~donating old toys
I look forward to documenting our month of kindness on Keely's blog and hoping that it catches on. We'd love to hear more ideas!
Though she's gone from this earth, her spirit lives on.
XOXO
We also built and moved into our forever house. We have a beautiful garden in the works for Keely. I love having a place just for her right in our yard. Her grave is an hour and a half away from us. While I'm glad she's buried with my grandmother, it hurts not being able to visit her everyday. Now we have a place of remembrance and that makes my heart sing. The anchor of her garden is a weeping cherry tree. Perfect.
We are preparing for the holidays and have decided to do a random act of kindness each day for the month of November.
So often throughout November, we are reminded to be grateful. Our family has been so blessed. Yes, we've had heartache and miss a member of our family everyday, but we had her. And that means we're lucky. We have each other and plenty to eat. We have our health and love and so many other things. We want to spread our gratitude out. Each day in November, we'll do one random act of kindness to reach out to someone else. We're starting a list and making a schedule. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. I'm trying to make it not always about money, but about time and thought.
Some of our plans include:
~drawing pictures for people at Great Grandma's nursing home.
~picking up trash at a park
~buying a coffee for the person in line behind or in front of us
~donating time at a community kitchen
~packing care packages for soldiers and families of soldiers
~donating old toys
I look forward to documenting our month of kindness on Keely's blog and hoping that it catches on. We'd love to hear more ideas!
Though she's gone from this earth, her spirit lives on.
XOXO
Thursday, April 11, 2013
this is the day
6 years ago right now, I was in labor. I remember every otherwise mundane moment of that day.
We watched a reality show on the WE network about a wedding. It was awful. My dad brought back Red Robin for everybody there (aside from me, I wasn't allowed to eat). I wore pink slip on tennis shoes, a gray tank top, and black zip up shirt/pants to arrive. When I told the receptionist I was there for an induction, she looked at me with a most confused expression and said "YOU are being induced?". And then she looked at her records...
So many little details that I remember so vividly and I'm not sure I ever recorded. For some reason, this year it feels important to write it all down. 6 years is a long time.
Usually, the days and weeks leading up to the actual anniversaries (of death and birth) are harder than the actual day. Usually, the actual day is a bit of a relief. Not this year.
This year, the sky opened up with rain, the sun hasn't peeked out all day and I feel so tired. I wanted badly to go to sleep last night and wake up tomorrow.
As we left school from walking my oldest son in, a very excited little girl and her mother were hurrying into school. They were carrying cupcakes with the number 6 on them.
We got lovely flowers from my mom and dad, to be planted in a garden just for Keely once our home construction is completed in a couple of months. I so wish she were here to smell them and feel like a big girl for receiving flowers.
But her reward is much greater than pride and more fragrant than azaleas.
Missing my little girl so much today. Every day, but especially on this day, the 6th anniversary of the first and last day I held her earthly body, saw those toes cross like my own, held her tiny hand. 6 years too long.
XOXO
We watched a reality show on the WE network about a wedding. It was awful. My dad brought back Red Robin for everybody there (aside from me, I wasn't allowed to eat). I wore pink slip on tennis shoes, a gray tank top, and black zip up shirt/pants to arrive. When I told the receptionist I was there for an induction, she looked at me with a most confused expression and said "YOU are being induced?". And then she looked at her records...
So many little details that I remember so vividly and I'm not sure I ever recorded. For some reason, this year it feels important to write it all down. 6 years is a long time.
Usually, the days and weeks leading up to the actual anniversaries (of death and birth) are harder than the actual day. Usually, the actual day is a bit of a relief. Not this year.
This year, the sky opened up with rain, the sun hasn't peeked out all day and I feel so tired. I wanted badly to go to sleep last night and wake up tomorrow.
As we left school from walking my oldest son in, a very excited little girl and her mother were hurrying into school. They were carrying cupcakes with the number 6 on them.
We got lovely flowers from my mom and dad, to be planted in a garden just for Keely once our home construction is completed in a couple of months. I so wish she were here to smell them and feel like a big girl for receiving flowers.
But her reward is much greater than pride and more fragrant than azaleas.
Missing my little girl so much today. Every day, but especially on this day, the 6th anniversary of the first and last day I held her earthly body, saw those toes cross like my own, held her tiny hand. 6 years too long.
XOXO
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Words can't really describe
6 years ago today, at 11:20 am, we watched as that beautiful heartbeat stopped and our girl slipped into the arms of God.
How precious was the time we had with you and how blessed we are to still feel you near.
We love you every second of every day, to the moon and back. We miss you with every bone in our bodies, every second of every day. We remember you and honor you with every breath.
Words elude me today.
I love you, Keely. So many love you.
Someday, baby girl.
XOXO
How precious was the time we had with you and how blessed we are to still feel you near.
We love you every second of every day, to the moon and back. We miss you with every bone in our bodies, every second of every day. We remember you and honor you with every breath.
Words elude me today.
I love you, Keely. So many love you.
Someday, baby girl.
XOXO
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Is this ever normal?
It will have been 6 years next Tuesday that we watched that sweet heartbeat stop.
We are leaving now to go to the flower shop and choose new flowers for her grave.
Does a mother or father ever get used to choosing flowers for their child's grave? It seems that if it were going to happen, it would have by now. There are times that it feels normal but most times, I remind myself that this isn't a dream. She was real. She was here. She is gone.
We will send two dozen pink balloons plus a very special ones her brothers choose for her into the sky on Saturday.
The world will go on. We will go on. But we will take her with us in each and every breath. And beyond.
XOXO
We are leaving now to go to the flower shop and choose new flowers for her grave.
Does a mother or father ever get used to choosing flowers for their child's grave? It seems that if it were going to happen, it would have by now. There are times that it feels normal but most times, I remind myself that this isn't a dream. She was real. She was here. She is gone.
We will send two dozen pink balloons plus a very special ones her brothers choose for her into the sky on Saturday.
The world will go on. We will go on. But we will take her with us in each and every breath. And beyond.
XOXO
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
what are the odds
My husband and I had chosen a weekend to set this years balloon release for Keely. I thought I'd see how far along I'd be on her angel day and birthday.
Keely was 22w3 days along when she died on April 2nd. Her little sister will be 22w3d on April 2nd.
What are the odds? We knew they were off on Keely's due date and knew roughly when it would have been but I had never given the actual date much thought.
I'm thinking of it as a little gift from Keely, taking care of her little sister.
XOXO
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Keely was 22w3 days along when she died on April 2nd. Her little sister will be 22w3d on April 2nd.
What are the odds? We knew they were off on Keely's due date and knew roughly when it would have been but I had never given the actual date much thought.
I'm thinking of it as a little gift from Keely, taking care of her little sister.
XOXO
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Every year, the inevitable...
It's a warm day today, almost spring like. The birds are singing. The sun is out.
It's crisp and chilly still, but you can feel spring knocking on winter's door.
Those are the days that take me back to the darkest days of losing our first girl. It was so warm the day she died, I was dressed like it was summer. Then for her funeral, it was misty and chilly and so hard to keep warm graveside.
These warmer days, at the end of winter's chill bring back those vivid memories of losing her and it all feels like a dream. Nearly 6 years later, I remind myself that this is our story.
MISSing, Loving, Remembering. Always, on warm days and cool.
XOXO
It's crisp and chilly still, but you can feel spring knocking on winter's door.
Those are the days that take me back to the darkest days of losing our first girl. It was so warm the day she died, I was dressed like it was summer. Then for her funeral, it was misty and chilly and so hard to keep warm graveside.
These warmer days, at the end of winter's chill bring back those vivid memories of losing her and it all feels like a dream. Nearly 6 years later, I remind myself that this is our story.
MISSing, Loving, Remembering. Always, on warm days and cool.
XOXO
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