letters to Heaven...

As Keely's little brother, our first rainbow baby, begins to grasp that his big sister died, many questions have come.  You can see the lightbulb as he figures out what all of it means.  In doing so, he wrote Keely a letter, sealed the envelope and asked me to sent it to Heaven.

I explained that we couldn't send letters to Heaven the way we can send Christmas cards, but I thought people in Heaven could get the messages in our heart, kind of like God hears our prayers.  We talked about how God could take care of that.

We decided to put his still-sealed letter to the big sister he never got to know in her memory trunk.

Oh how I would love to know what it says...

An announcement

Our sweet little girl is a big sister, once again.  We're expecting our 5th little blessing next summer.

After a prenatal loss, there is always fear that comes along with pregnancy.  But, more than fear, there is hope.  And our hopes are high.

Watch over your brother or sister, Keely  <3 p="p">

at least 40 newly bereaved parents in minutes...

Yesterday, in a kindergarten classroom, 20 beautiful young souls lost their lives in unthinkable tragedy.  

Today, their parents are likely watching the sunrise on one of the darkest days of their lives; the first day without their beloved child.  

My heart breaks into a thousand pieces for them.  How quickly life can, and does, change.  Yesterday, they ate breakfast and sent their loved ones off to school.  For the last time.

It's hard to even wrap one's mind around it.  It's unfathomable.

All that can be said has been said.  My heart is with Sandy Hook Elementary's victim's parents, whose lives will never, never be the same.  I, along with much of the country, held my children close throughout the night, unable to shake the unshakable after hearing the unthinkable.  

There just are no words.

"Weep with those who weep."  Romans 12:15

Nearer, Still Nearer

"Nearer, still nearer, close to Thy heart,
Draw me, my Savior—so precious Thou art!

Fold me, oh, fold me close to Thy breast.
Shelter me safe in that “Haven of Rest”;
Shelter me safe in that “Haven of Rest.”

Nearer, still nearer, nothing I bring,
Naught as an offering to Jesus, my King;
Only my sinful, now contrite heart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.

Nearer, still nearer, Lord, to be Thine!
Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign,
All of its pleasures, pomp and its pride,
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.

Nearer, still nearer, while life shall last.
Till safe in glory my anchor is cast;
Through endless ages ever to be
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee;
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee!"

Everyday, my girl, nearer to you in the arms of the Lord...

Mother's Day

Last Sunday was International Bereaved Mother's Day.  It just so happened that I saw a double rainbow in the sky, clear as can be.  A beautiful gift.  A promise from God.

Today is Mother's Day.  I am beyond lucky to have these 3 beautiful living sons.  They make this world brighter, they make my heart sing.  They've made me a mother, taught me more than I ever could've imagined.  I am beyond lucky to have had Keely for 22 weeks and 3 days, to have gotten to witness those final beats of her beautiful heart.  She made this world a brighter place, she makes my heart sing.  She makes me a mother and taught me more than I ever could've imagined.  

They are all the reasons I am a mother.  They are all my world.  They are my beautiful, wonderful, loving, bubbly children.  Each and every one of them.

Wishing a gentle mother's day to those wishing all their children were in their arms today. 

On vacation with us...Everywhere with us

We went to Disney World this past week.  We had a fantastic trip, wonderful weather.  We had {almost} everything we could ask for.  We missed our girl, talked about her, talked about what she'd be like were she with us physically.  We saw butterflies and remembered.  We let a balloon go in front of Cinderella's castle in her honor.  We missed her but were grateful for her presence in our hearts.

"No matter what happens, I'll always be with you. Forever. "
-Pocahontas

Draw me nearer, blessed Lord...

As I read today about another family saying goodbye far too soon, I draw near to the heart of God.  We may never understand why we are put on these journeys but we can be sure of the goal.

Wishing peace to the family in their darkest hours.

"There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee."